She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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