She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize