We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
