if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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