just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
