I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize