Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
