census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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