I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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