Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
wanna go halves on a baby?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
