My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
