break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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