If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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