Your face is a jimmy john
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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