Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
