I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I understand Curling. That high.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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