he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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