I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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