his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
