you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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