just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize