Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just pee around me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
