i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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