You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
