i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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