I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
