chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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