I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
