i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize