Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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