I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
