I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
