I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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