I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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