you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
