Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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