Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
