I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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