I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
