Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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