Porn is love you can see.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
