why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
