girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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