You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
