I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
