Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
