had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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