Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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