every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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