i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
