I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
