I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
