Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
