kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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