He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
