Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
