When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
