so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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