someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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