It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
