when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sponge bath it is.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
