True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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