Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
