i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
