just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My feet surprised me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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