there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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