literally had 100 drinks last night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
