evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize