she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
