Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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