oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize