How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
