i think my tv is drunk
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
