Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
