Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize