O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just had sex bonerless
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
