I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
