yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
