This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize