; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
