Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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