You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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