That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
