Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
