It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
