so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
