i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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