The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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