my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
