she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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