you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
