did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
