I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
