Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
