It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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