when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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