I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
