Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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