i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
