I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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