there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
