Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
