I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
