Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
