meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
